Why I Have not Written a Post in a While

blogging

It has been almost three months since I have written a post for my blog.  Can you believe it!?!  I have managed to keep my mouth shut (well, more like my keyboard quiet) for three whole months!  I thought I would put a quick post up to let my readers know that I am still alive and kicking as my blog is still getting a fair amount of traffic from previous posts.  I also wanted to give three quick reasons why I have not written in a while:

1. I don’t write unless I have a subject on my heart that I am passionate about, I feel is blog worthy and that I am ready to share my thoughts on.  I cannot stand it when other bloggers write about NOTHING.  I do not care about your morning routine, how long it takes you to brush your teeth or your favorite breakfast cereal.  I may like you, but I really just do not care to know those things about you.  -And I assume that you do not care to know those things about me.  BTW if you do care to know those things about me, go get yourself a life!  : )   I refuse to write a blog post for just for the sake of writing a blog post; I respect you and your time too much to do that.  *Even this post was motivated by a fluffy hollow post that I found in my inbox this morning from another blog that I follow.

2. I am still working through my thoughts for the next one or two posts that I plan to write in order to complete the series, “The Basic Elements of the Church.” I have been critical of the attractional church model and I want to make sure that I am being fair and not overly idealistic.  I hope to finish that series in the next month or so. God has been leading my family and I on a journey of discovery and reflection as we search for a new local church family. We have visited various churches, of various sizes, with various denominational and doctrinal affiliations.  We gain new insights almost weekly and I do not want to rush that process. I feel those last few posts would be best if written after we have begun settling in somewhere.

If you have not read my latest series, I invite you to do so and I encourage you to comment with your thoughts.  Links to the series are below:

Exhausted… -Rediscovering the core elements of the Church

FRUSTRATED!!! -The 10,000 Pound Elephant in the Church

The Basic Elements of the Church: A Few Thoughts on Detoxing

The Basic Elements of the Church: introducing the elements

The Basic Elements of the Church: Relationships

The Basic Elements of the Church: Discipleship

3. I want people to read what I write, so I take my writing very serious. If you see a post on my blog, please know that the post was not just thrown up onto my site without thought, prayer and consideration.  I take my posts as seriously as I take the sermons that I write and share from the pulpit.  Those who read what I write might not always “like” or “agree” with the content, I understand that well.  However, please know that content is never shared without reflection.  My hope is that God can use my writings to bring others closer to Him.  -My readers do not have to like me or my writings for that to happen.  For this reason, I will never just throw a post up on my blog just to have something “new” that might generate traffic.

5 thoughts on “Why I Have not Written a Post in a While

  1. Thank you for sharing. I too had a similar experience as a christian teacher in 2 christian schools. The first one had a pastor yelling at me for up to 4 hours at a time telling me to “obey without question” and that “I was offensive” (but never telling me why). You know those gangster movies where the head gangster calls the younger one in to say how great he is but “You’re not a team player” – yes those exact words were said to me. I saw the lies – exaggerating teacher qualifications, very slack and neglectful treatment of students, and no over sight of how $ was spent (pastor even took out 4 mortgages in 5 years – for more than twice the amount of any building project – and we raised all the $ needed for last building anyway). Yes, that fiasco ended with an interview with the FBI. Oh well, so I tried another christian school with my three girls. Yes, I asked all the right questions and got the right answers it was just the reality was so different. Teachers outright neglectful of students. As a professional teacher I was embarrassed at what was not done for the students. One student I worked with in the resource room said in anger one day in response to another student “telling” on him that he called my coworker lazy, “Well she is, she is always on her computer.” He was only in 5th grade, but he could see the hypocrisy. So could I. And of course I was yelled at often and shunned as some tried to keep me quiet (don’t what to let parents know what is really going on!) It is very hard to walk away. I loved my students so much but God had other plans and one early June Sunday I finally prayed that I would serve Him wherever He sent me (I always wanted to be a Christian school teacher, never entertained another thought). I was bold and asked God to answer my prayer and let me know where I will be serving Him by Friday, and do you know what? I got an interview request on Mon, one on Tues, a phone interview on Wed, personal interview on Thursday and job offer on Friday morning! Can’t deny God sent me to the public school! However, I do wrestle with commenting on my abuse. I search my heart to make sure I am not just speaking out of revenge. However, if what I say can protect others from my horrible years I would be glad. I made comments on both the google reviews for those schools (I read them when I was searching for a school). I tried to be objective and tell the good and the bad. I know others left and were hurt too – so sad how when I was there I saw people leave and no one seemed to care. Two of the students in my resource room walked away midyear and I was very vocal in the staff meetings that we had ample amount of time to serve their needs– they were christian kids who wanted a christian education – just needed a little extra help. It disgusts me that we did not provide that as two women spent most their day on the computer or chatting with others!

    I think you are right when you say some people stay because they choose this environment. I believe some parents there just picked that school because they know they can complain and their student’s grades will get bumped up. Bullies all seem to stroke each other. It is just the true christians that get messed up in the muck I feel sorry for. So thanks, I feel a little better for speaking out (I even signed my name to my comments – I am not hiding from the school/parents and I was a respected teacher by my students and parents, my students even applauded me and threw me a party on the last day:)). I hope my comments don’t cost me future jobs but that would be so wrong to think that God’s plans could be thwarted by humans! And I do have a dream that someone will take my concerns seriously and they will turn into good christian schools.

    It’s weird, my spirit was so tormented – had nightmares and panic attacks. But since my comment on google last month I feel so much peace and I feel like I now have the ability to forgive and move on. Sometimes I think God was just prompting me to say something. Then other times I think that is such a ego statement and perhaps I should keep my mouth shut……

  2. Thanks for reading and sharing Diane. I understand your “mixed” emotions regarding sharing your experiences and speaking out about them. I think there is a delicate balance between speaking out to warn and protect others and acting out of bitterness; I walk that fine line myself. I do not completely understand why (I am not a psychologist and do not pretend to be) we both experienced a certain relief, liberty, release, etc after speaking out publicly regarding out experiences, but I know I did as well. I think speaking out ultimately allowed me to begin moving on and getting on with my life. If you have not read my post, http://ericstarkey.org/2012/09/07/how-do-i-recover-from-spiritual-abuse/, I invite you to read it; it might help you further.

    I smiled when I read that you are now working in a public school. I cannot help but think that you will have far greater positive influence in a public school than you ever had in those two christian schools. My wife and I are devout christians and would not even consider placing our children in christian schools for the same reasons. We refuse to live in a protected “christian bubble.” -And it is “our job” to disciple our children, not a school or even the children / youth pastor at our church.

    I hope you are involved in a healthy local church; we all need the support of a healthy church family. If you are not, please continue to search. Healthy churches are out there, we just have to search a bit harder to find them.

    Blessings

    Eric

  3. Thanks, nice article. I find that with my first experience I am healed, have even forgiven. With my second I am still progressing – funny how I can be one person at two places on one path!

    Can’t go to a church yet – I cry on Sunday mornings instead. We are moving this weekend, I need a new start. Hubby said he would go first and scope out the churches for us. Can’t read the bible again yet but I did start reading a devotional book – “A Life God Rewards” by Bruce Wilkinson. I know I need to be devoted to my new students – and boy are they lost kids – kind of a rough school. Some are nice, normal kids but some are so lost, it is as if they have no hope for the future.

    And one more thing. Christian schools are not a “bubble”. I found far worse things go on inside them than the public schools. My coworkers at the public school are wonderful, caring professionals. I don’t know if they are christians but they are the most christian acting teachers I have met yet.

    Thanks for your blog. I will keep reading.

  4. I am so sorry for your bad experiences Diane. What I can say is that if you keep doing the right things, (which it appears to me that you are) you will keep moving towards a much better place. -And you will find a healthy church, in time.

    I still struggle with listening to contemporary Christian worship music. It has nothing to do with the actual music or those who are singing it; it is just the “culture” that it reminds me of.

    I totally agree with you about the “bubble” issue. I could have expressed that thought better in my comment above. I think often times there are those who attempt to create that perfect Christian utopian society inside of a bubble but the problem is it gets stagnated and the culture decays because Jesus never meant for us to live that way. We have found wonderful people outside the four walls of the church, just as you have. My wife and I regularly comment that we could never return to living the way we were before.

  5. Those are reasons why I write too! I really don’t want to talk about trivial things. I want to write about Truth prompted by the Holy Spirit. I’m totally going to follow your blog now, I don’t think I had seen a link/post on FB until today. You can check mine out too http://www.typingwithmytea.wordpress.com I write with my friend Amy, so we both post on it.

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