*Continued from the prior post “Taking Risks.”

Amy recently told me about a post she read on Facebook where a Christian leader was bragging about how God had “miraculously” provided a way for her to trade in one vehicle for another better one. It has always driven us crazy when we hear Christian leaders tell stories about how God had miraculously provided for their “first world needs.” Sure it makes for a great story that further elevates that person on their pedestal, but it damages the people listening. There are many times where the person hearing the story is left wondering, “Why doesn’t God do those things for me?” “What’s wrong with me and my faith?” I believe many people’s faith is damaged and warped by this dynamic, or worse some people set out to engineer their owns “stories” so that they can say, “Look at what God did for me!” It grieves me when I see these dynamics playing out in church theatrics. In the words that follow, I am attempting to share an honest story of risk, faith and the journey of growth.

*Spoiler Alert: There are no times in this post where I part the Red Sea, feed 5000 people or miraculously get a new truck.

My phone rang at 5:30AM; it was a Sunday morning and I had been laying half awake in my hotel bed. I raised up and answered the call almost immediately. A calming friendly voice asked, “Did I wake you up?” I chuckled and said, “No, you knew I would be awake.”  The voice on the other end had known me for over nine years. We would soon be planning how to end our relationship. It was 8:30AM Indiana time.

I have forgotten all the details of this conversation, but it was generally pleasant. I voiced my deep frustration with the situation at hand. My client seemed either disconnected from or stuck in the current circumstances. I wondered to myself if there were contractual obligations involved that I was not aware of. We agreed that it was time to bring our business relationship to an end. I had emailed him the night before after I returned from my walk on the beach. I had triggered the 120 day clause in our agreement that allowed either party to end our contractual relationship. March 31 would be the last day.

We both reaffirmed our intentions to part ways on the best terms possible. He assured me that there would be apologies waiting for me when I returned to the office that morning. And that was basically it. Three months later I would find myself hugging his mom and shaking his father’s hand, for the last time. Over the years I had gotten to know his family well and was very fond of them. Then the end of March came, and it was all over. I returned to Louisiana and made plans to close my consulting business by the end of that year.

While my roots had been in information technology, I had always been a “jack of all trades” in my secular career. I’d been in the ministry since I was 19 with most of my time in ministry spent church planting. As a church planter, I needed a secular job. I got my first secular job in IT at 25. Because of opportunity, curiosity and drive, I quickly became involved in payroll, HR, accounting and then senior management, making process improvements along the way and impressing the right people. Over the next 15 years I would also be exposed to finance, large scale building projects, project management, facilities management, logistics, data analytics and the wide variety of IT systems used to support these activities. If there was ever a “Jack of all trades,” it was me. Typically my people and IT skills would create opportunities and then my ancillary talents and experience would create further value for my employer. This skill set is what created opportunities for my consulting business in Indiana. Having my own business had paired perfectly with being in the ministry; it had provided the income and flexibility that I needed.

I needed to start over in Louisiana. I did not feel like I had the contacts to spin up a consulting business in Louisiana and I liked the thought of having a full time job with a benefit package. So, I set off in that direction. However I soon realized it more difficult for a “Jack of all trades” to land a job than I expected.  Meanwhile Amy found a job working in the commercial appraisal department at a local bank. The salary was modest but it was a good opportunity for her to be exposed to a different career opportunity. I eventually found a job working in a state data center. This was not my first choice, actually at the time it was my only choice. Both our salaries combined did not replace the income that my business had generated, not to mention Amy’s teaching salary. As a result the income from our new jobs did not even come close to meeting our monthly expenses. We started to watch our savings fall like a rock. Our situation was not sustainable.

To make matters worse, I had miscalculated our income taxes the year before. I knew something was up when my CPA interrupted our email thread with a request for a phone call. Wow… I had taken a side job teaching and then added extra classes to help build up our savings in preparation for the move back to Indiana. I misjudged the tax consequences and neglected to keep our CPA in the loop. That mistake wiped out almost half of the savings we had built up. How could I have made such a mistake? Finding out about the income taxes that were due was like hanging 100 pounds of extra weight on my shoulders. Our financial burdens had just gotten heavier and our margin for error had lessened.

My job situation was frustrating and humbling. I interviewed with a genuinely sincere CIO who told me, “I think you are a very personable and all around talented guy, but you do not have any specializations.” At that time all I had was a bachelors degree in General Studies and no professional certifications. While I had a very diverse toolbox of skills that I had picked up over the years, outside of an executive or other management role, my technical skills were that of an experienced systems administrator.

For a planner and strategic thinker, the situation was very uncomfortable. If I did not act, I knew what the future held and because of my nature, I actually began to plan for it. I met with a bankruptcy attorney. We had not been late on a single bill, but I was watching our savings drop. At that point, I knew we only had a few months left before our savings ran out. If we were going to fall off the edge of a financial cliff, I was going to drive off with my eyes wide open and strategically plan our descent. I had been working with a few recruiters; I contacted them and lowered my salary expectations. I remember one saying, “But you are worth more than X.” My reply was simple, “I thought so too, but right now the job market determines what I am worth and it does not agree with us.” I saw the edge of the cliff coming.

So let’s talk about that view from the edge for a bit. It was a long way down… We know the view well; we walked right up to the edge and took a long soul searching look down to the bottom. At first it was unthinkably terrifying. We could go bankrupt! What would people think about us? What about our reputations? What about the kids? How would we recover? The best thing you can do in a situation like this is make plans to deal with the worst case scenario -and not count on a supernatural miracle to bail you out. After we looked over the side, calmed ourselves down and began to do our best to respond responsibly and work to resolve the situation, the bottom did not look so scary. The view was terrific from the edge of that cliff. In the clarity of that moment, you could see for miles. We were able to identify what was important to us and what mattered much less than we had realized before. Walking up to the edge of that cliff and taking a long look over the side was good for us. Priorities were made clear and excess baggage was tossed over the side. My pride was one of those heavy bags that was tossed over early. A carry-on that was saving a few lingering unfulfilled dreams was jettisoned as well. Giving in to the realization that we could not protect our teenage, soon to be young adult children from “life” was another piece of luggage that had to be thrown over as well. We found ourselves at a place of resolution. We were not happy about our current situation, but we knew we would be okay. Maybe different, but still okay. It is difficult to capture everything that happened in me during those few months and put it into words, but that experience changed me for the good. I am better for having walked up to the edge, appreciating all of the dynamics of the view and evaluating what would happen if I slid off the side.

A few months passed and our savings balance continued to drop. The edge of the cliff was getting so close, but we delayed going over by using our credit cards to supplement our income. And then one day while I was in Sam Club, I got a phone call. It was an internal recruiter for a large local logistics company. My skill set was a very good fit for them. The chief technology officer was actually an old friend. I had no idea he was working there and he had no idea I had been looking for a job. I applied, interviewed and they offered me a salary $5000 more than what I had asked for. And just like that, it was over.

While going over the edge had been diverted, it would take us years to rebuild and financially recover from our decision to shift directions and reset our careers. Unlike Amy’s Facebook friends, no one waved a magic wand and made everything okay. We made tough decisions and worked very hard to get to where we are now. -And, we are still working hard. I remember talking to Amy during the most unnerving part of our “edge of the cliff” experience. I said, “Amy, if we take the risks, make the right decisions and put in the work, it will be worth it. It might take us a few years to get there, but it will be worth it” I made that statement six years ago and it has survived and surpassed the test of time.

While our story is not nearly as sexy as Amy’s Facebook friend’s story, I think it is a more appropriate description of what the journey looks like.