a different perspective

Category: Somatic Poetry

Space

May 3rd, 2024
Space, “the final frontier.”
It really is.
What happens when I make time for Space?
What happens when I actually slow down and smell the roses?

Space can be scary and dangerous.
It gives me time to reflect.
It gives me time to notice.
It gives me time to explore.

I need Space.
I need to allow time for the struggle.
Those secrets hidden deep inside me
Time to wrestle with what really matters, to me

Space.
I don’t know if I like you.
You give me time to know myself.
You offer me a grounded perspective.

Space.
I love you and I hate you.
You free me and you frighten me.
You energize me and you empty me.

Space.
I will embrace your vast unknown.
I will bravely slow down, be quiet and listen.
I will honor your solitude and your wisdom.
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The internal dialogue of a stutterer

March 13th, 2024
My heart is pounding
Soon it will be my turn to speak.
I know what I want to say
But will my mouth let it out?

I choose my words carefully
Watch out for P’s and H’s.
Keep that real-time thesaurus open
You might be forced to swap a word out.

I feel my throat tighten
I do not even know why.
My mind and body play tug of war
As my vocal cords just seem to freeze.

Oh my God, that sounded so stupid
I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
But I could not get “that” word out
I feel robbed and belittled again today.

Good days and bad days
Why? -I don’t have a clue.
Some days it is almost unnoticeable
While on others, my defect takes center stage.
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Commitment

February 14th, 2024
Till death do us part
At least that is what it once was.
In sickness and in health
Unless one of us gets really sick.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you
Unless you change.
And if there is something I do not like
Well, we both have options.

What if I get tired of you?
Maybe you will get tired of me.
Forever is a long time
Why should we both stay?

What is true love anyway?
How do we know for sure?
Some say we are naive
And we might be missing something more.

But those greener pastures can lead to desert places
And freedom can be a very lonely place.
Commitment pays dividends for a lifetime
“We” are the investment that I have decided to make.

So let’s keep building this life together
I can’t wait to see where the adventure leads.
Let’s grow old together
I do not want “us” to ever end.

I will be stuck with you
Please say you’ll be stuck with me.
Life without you is unimaginable
That is how I know what true love means.
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A note to my younger self

February 10th, 2024
Oh young friend
Life seems so hard right now.
If only I could talk with you
To share that it will be okay.

You feel like you have no place to go
And you are lonely and frightened.
I am sorry that your friends rejected you
I am proud of you for walking away.

I honestly cannot imagine how you feel
If only you could see what I see.
There are vivid visions in your future
Hold on and press on, you are going to be okay.

Young friend, dream big
Dream as big as you possibly can
-then dream bigger.
Do not let days like today define you
One day my perspective will be yours.

Protect that soft heart, but keep it tender
Keep a wide-open mind and trust yourself.
Continue to ask the hard questions
Keep making different types of friends.

Be curious
Keep exploring.
Stand up for what is good and right
You are going to be just fine, I promise.
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The process

February 4th, 2024
Life is a process
There are no microwave ovens
There are no real shortcuts
Just trial and error, and trial

Life is a process
A never ending journey
A journey of sorrows
And a journey of love

Life is a process
A lesson about letting go
Letting go of those we love
And letting go of things that do not matter

Life is a process
An experience of feelings and emotions
Feelings that should not be numbed
Emotions that can easily derail us

Life is a process
A spiritual existence
A glorious mystical abstract of faith
Filled with doubt and wonder

Life is a process
Our very own silver screen
A mind game played in realtime
A logical puzzle with missing pieces

Life is a process
A reckoning with things that should not be
A prolonged exploration of all our faults
A winding path to reconciliation

Life is a process
The grand experiment of all things
With victories won by learning to fail
And the greatest achievements savored with others

Life is a process
The pathway to what really matters
Treasures earned by tears -blood, sweat and more tears
A never-ending discovery of all the beauty that surrounds us.
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Alone

February 4th, 2024
We were not created to be alone
Do not believe the lie
We were not… created to be alone
The solitary life lacks the richness of conflict and community.

We sacrifice community to avoid conflict
We give up relationship to avoid pain
We live with a void where love should have been cultivated
We endure our existence without the richness of having our hearts entangled with others.

Conflict tills the soil for authentic intimacy
Communing with others is messy and complicated and stressful and exhausting and fulfilling and life giving and beautiful
-when we toil together.

We make each other whole
Our differences… enhance our beauty
We were not created to be alone.
Do not believe the lie.
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something else

November 30th, 2023
Something else is in my spirit
Something else is in my soul
My mind yearns to know what “something else” is
A vision, hazy and out of reach out in the horizon.

Something else is in my spirit
Something else is in my soul
I am distracted by this “something else”
It tugs at me, pulling me towards things unknown.

Something else is in my spirit
Something else is in my soul
I fear where “something else” could lead me
I am uncomfortably comfortable and sense that there could be more.

Something new is in my spirit
Something new is in my soul
I ponder the possibilities of this new thing
Its origins stir deep within my core.

Something new is in my spirit
Something new is in my soul
My mind races to find the logic to solve this puzzle
While the answer lies beyond reason’s grasp.

Something else is in my spirit
Something else is in my soul
The seed of “something new” is forming
And I seek the patience to allow it to be born.
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The lost dream

November 28th, 2023
A poem about completion and healthy endings embodying Acceptance, Awareness and Action.

I had a dream.
A long gaze into the future
A vision of life and vibrant health
I had a dream, but it is lost.
That dream is no more.

I feel the loss, deep in my soul
Emptiness fills that space now
Uncertainty and fear attack my friends
I want to fight, but my resistance finds no ground
My heart yearns for the logic to blend my mind with reality.

Stillness, reflection and gratitude, these must light my way.
A journey with an unexpected ending is no less sacred.
It should be completed well, while honoring those who shared the path.
Then in this place, the seeds of future dreams can find fertile soil in my heart.
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The Mountain Tops

November 20th, 2023
We often covet the mountain top experience
With its picturesque view of the valley below
To live in the clouds
To achieve the dream
To lay claim to the victory
To stand in triumph at the top of the world.

But life lived on the mountain top is unsustainable
The air is cold and thin
The environment is often harsh and barren
And mountain tops can be -rather lonely
With their gorgeous views and deceptive perspectives
They are wonderful to visit, but do we really want to live there?

The valleys are where we find our purpose
Yes, the view is less enticing at lower altitudes
The ground must be prepared for seed
Rocks must be removed so crops can grow
Our hands become blistered from hard work
And unexpected floods or droughts can destroy all that we create.

But life is found in the valleys
Wildlife graze on lush green grasses
Houses are built that become homes
Community is stumbled upon, cultivated and then cherished
We labor together, grow together and dream together
Then as we look up toward those distant peaks, we discover the strength to embark on the next adventure.
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I have nothing to prove

November 13th, 2023
The truth is, I have nothing to prove.
What can I prove to you anyway?
Is it even worth the argument?
The sacrifice, the loss
Our relationship
No, it is not.
I have nothing to prove to you.

The truth is, I have nothing to prove.
What can I prove to the world anyway?
Are they even interested?
Do they even notice?
Why spent my life trying to prove things to those who don’t even care?
I would rather invest elsewhere
I have nothing to prove to this world.

The truth is, I have nothing to prove.
My enemies will always be, my enemies
Why are they my enemies anyway?
Maybe it was because I had something to prove
There has to be a better way…
Someone has to say -enough…
I have nothing to prove; I have no enemies.

The truth is, I have nothing to prove.
When will I be satisfied?
When will it ever be enough?
There will always be, the next mountain to climb
There will always be the “next thing”
And what has those “next things” already cost me?
I have nothing left to prove to myself.

The truth is, I have nothing to prove.
I have nothing to prove, but love.
I have nothing to prove, but friendship.
I have nothing to prove, but to be human.
I have nothing to prove, but to seek unity.
I have nothing to prove, but to rest.
I have nothing to prove, but to be me.
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Who I was

November 13th, 2023
Go, go, go
Think, think, think
Fight, fight fight
A brute force attack on life.

I can do anything
I can figure anything out
I can prove myself… to you, to all of you.
See, I did it.

Go, go, go
Think, think, think
Do, do, do
I really want to help.

I can fix things.
I can make things better
There is a better way,
If you would just listen to me.

Think, think, think
Do, do, do
Think, think, think
Fight, fight, fight
If I can just make it to the finish line, one more goal complete.

Think, think, think
Fight, fight, fight
Think, think, think
Think, think…
I am so tired.
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Holy Communion

October 7th, 2023
Mind, you have always been there for me
You were my escape as a child
You allowed me to dream
You were my bridge to something else
You were my ladder to success
You were my greatest ally
Thank you for serving me so well old friend
I honor you
You are not alone anymore.

Spirit, you truly did save me.
You made me aware that there was more than my mind could comprehend
You found me
You were patient with me
You taught me to appreciate beauty, -and you taught me what true beauty is
I always knew, deep down, that you were bigger than the box we tried to put you in.
Thank you for the unexpected journey
Thank you for the winding paths that took me to unplanned places
Thank you for calling me away from my plans and dreams
Thank you for the mystery
Thank you for the unknown that is to come
I honor you.

Emotions, I have tried my best to hold you back.
To keep you bottled up in my body
But you were always there
Sometimes I can’t control you -and it really frightens me
I catch glimpses of your power to do good and evil -and it frightens me
I don’t completely understand you -and that frightens me
You pop up unexpectedly at inconvenient times; I do not like that about you
Still, I invite you to take your place in my life
We will learn together
I honor you.

Body, I did my best to turn you off.
I did not feel you
I was numb.
I was taught that you were bad
I was ashamed of you
At times, I hated you
Maybe I was not strong enough to feel what needed to be felt, what you needed me to feel?
Thank you for protecting me in your own way
Thank you for not forsaking me like I forsake you
You do not have to be alone any longer
I am sorry
I love and honor you.

I do not understand how you all fit together
But I will no longer reject one, to accept the others
I honor you all
I love you all
I am only complete when I embrace you all
Let us commune together.
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The Container

October 5th, 2023
A seed is planted
A seed is planted and life begins
A small container cradles delicate life
The container is good, a nursery for new life.

The tiny tree grows
Young roots begin to draw in moisture
Delicate leaves reach against gravity
The container is good, a place of safety for protected growth.

The sapling matures
Roots consume the small space with their aliveness
Branches extend toward the light
The container is good, and life is confined.

The tree begins to yearn for freedom
Its roots dream of sinking deep into the nutrient rich soil of their ancestors
Its branches sense the need to soar and touch the Sun
And life must be allowed to extend beyond the container.
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Deconstruction

September 21st, 2023
A towering monument will be intentionally demolished by its architect?
-But so much treasure was invested to build and sustain it
-It holds memories of accomplishment
-And the process to tear it down will be painful.

Why destroy what is already built?
-It will be a difficult process
-After the last pieces are removed, there will be nothing left
-And what lies beyond is completely unknown.

But the skyline does not feel right
-It is lacking something
-It is deformed
-It is full of perfectly logical strategic accomplishments, and yet somehow strangely hollow.

What will take its place?
-I don’t know.
-I do not know..
-I do not know… and I am afraid.

All that is left is to begin
-So much will be lost
-I feel grief
-I feel anger
-I feel fear
-I feel uncertainty
Still, I press on.
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An Old Unwanted Friend

September 19th, 2023
You have been with me for such a long time
I didn’t even know you were there
Hiding in the corners of my heart
Tainting almost everything from within.

Where did you come from?
How long have you haunted me?
How much have you sabotaged?
What have you stolen?

Maybe at some point you served me
Perhaps you protected a wounded and tender heart
If so, thank you but those times have passed
You are in the way now, restricting progress.

Old friend, how do we break these bonds?
You have been here for so long
My muscles remember you
My mind is seduced by the deceptive comfort that you bring.

Forging a path that is free of you will be difficult
My mind and body must be retrained and reoriented
My emotions need to calibrate to new realities
And then my heart can open to new possibilities.
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Who Owns God?

September 6th, 2023
The beauty of cattle grazing on green rolling hills,
slightly hidden by a morning mist.
The awe of an afternoon thunderstorm,
exploding into the stratosphere with untamable power.
The endless majestic energy of an ocean,
full of life and never-ending rolling waves.
The expansive mystery of a clear night sky,
decorated by a million suns.

The internal flame that animates our bodies to existence
The still small voice calling from the distance
The timeless wisdom that gives light to our souls
The founder of warmth that fills our lives with presence

The origin of the universe
The author of light
The beginning of purpose
The sole proprietor of truth
The giver of life

Yet, we attempt to put words into the mouth of the One who breathes life.
We claim to completely comprehend the fullness of the One who created… everything.
We laughably strive to sway the All Powerful One to align with our thinking.
We say, “We speak for God.”

We deny the glorious complexity of God’s creation.
We construct theology and doctrine with our limited logic and incomplete understanding.
We teach lifeless religious law that empowers us to violate the Golden Rule.
And we misrepresent the God of the eternity,
Amiss the chaos of our wounded hearts, our corrupted minds and our restless souls.

Perhaps the beginning of wisdom is the revelation that we do not own God.

Selah
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Another Person

July 1st, 2023
There is another person inside of me.
I see glimpses of him from time to time,
but mostly he is locked away.

There is another person locked inside of me.
He would like to escape and explore himself,
but then life, circumstances, fear -and pride get in the way.

There is another person locked inside of me.
I think he might be the real me.
Sometimes he feels close, but mostly he is far away.

There is another person locked inside of me.
This old shape no longer fits me.
The frustrating struggle continues on the journey towards the unknown me.

Who is this person locked inside of me?
Should I be afraid of the new me?
Could he destroy all that has been built?
Will he submit to plans and dreams that are already made?

There is a person locked inside of me.
I will not let fear steal him away from me.
I think he might be the real me.
It is time to discover “me.”

“Now with God’s help, I shall become myself.” -Søren Kierkegaard
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I have changed

June 19th, 2023
This writing was prompted by reflection on my relationships with friends and family.

I have changed.
I understand that you might not understand why I have changed.
It’s okay that you don’t understand.
I just need you to know that I still care about you.

I need you to know that even though we might be different now,
And possibly our journeys have followed different paths,
That does not mean that I do not cherish the time when we traveled together. Because I do.
I hold those memories in a special place in my heart,
They will forever be treasures to me.

So I have changed.
I can never go back to who I was. It just wasn’t me.
I know you may not understand.
Just please do not ask me to be that person again.
That person does not exist anymore.
He has been lost, -in a good way.
I know you don’t understand, -and that is okay.

And please don’t get too attached to the person I am now.
The fact is, I will likely change again.
I can feel it starting to happen, in this very moment.
I don’t understand it all either, but I know it is happening.

Maybe we can change and grow together?
Maybe we can share the journey of “what could be” together?
But maybe you do not want to change, or you are just not ready for change.
That is okay too.
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I got lost

June 18th, 2023
So I got lost.
I am not sure just how it happened.
Honestly, I did not even know I was lost and then one day,
There I am wondering around in the wilderness,
Searching for a way out.

I got lost.
I am not sure if you noticed.
I am so good at navigating the things that do not really matter.
You may have thought that I had it all figured out.
But I don’t.

I got lost.
I was in a place that was comfortable and safe and familiar
And restrictive and confining and frustrating and so not me.

I got lost.
Then I looked up and caught a glimpse of the horizon.
I did not see a clear path out of the wilderness,
But I knew I needed to move towards the unknown.

I got lost.
But I am finding myself now.
This person I once knew a long time ago.
This familiar, but foreign person.
He scares me but I want to know him.
Perhaps we can get to know him together.
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The Waves

June 15th, 2023
I have been warned about the ocean.
And I have been warned about the waves.

When the shoreline is lost
And you are floating in the endless expanse of open water,
Bracing for the impact of the next wave
Anticipating the unknown waiting on the other side.

I say give me the ocean, give me the waves.
Give me the endless expanse of the unknown.
Give me the waves, give me the fear.
I would rather embrace the waves than give in to the emptiness of unexplored possibilities and unborn dreams.

I say give me the waves.
Give me the uncertainty.
Give me the discomfort.
Give me the exhaustion of searching for the treasure that awaits out on the open ocean.

While I find comfort in the safety of the shore, the shoreline tethers me to what is.
I want the dreams.
I want the visions.
I want the “what could be.”

So give me the waves.
Let them crash over everything that is in the way of “what could be.”
Let them destroy the chains of safety that fear has created.
Let the waves pull me far from the shore,
far from comfort,
far from safety,
far from certainty,
to the place where I discover who I truly am, and who I could be.

Please give me the waves.
I need the waves to save me.
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