The Basic Elements of the Church: Relationships

We were created by God to know and to be known, -by Him and each other.

Matthew 22:34-40 But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Our Relationship with God:

“Legalism is not your answer, correct doctrine or politics is not your answer, a euphoric feeling is not your answer, a man on a stage -or a TV screen is not your answer, the answer you are looking for will only be found in having a relationship with God through His Son Jesus.”

Why did God create us anyway? If you haven’t, please stop and think about that. -Go ahead, I’ll wait………

Did God create us just to be His servants? or robots? or His pets??? I believe the whole of scripture tells us the love story of a God who “created us in His image” so that He could “know us.” -So that we could we could know Him. After all, Jesus once defined eternal life as “knowing God.” Yes! The God of the universe wants us to know Him. God created us. God loves us. Despite our sin, God has been very patience with us. God humbled Himself and became a man for us. Jesus died for us -to redeem us. The Holy Spirit pursues us. The Holy Spirit indwells and empowers us. And Jesus is coming back for us.

I think just about any Christian with good spiritual common sense and an elementary understanding of the Bible would agree with those Truths. All of these Truths point to a very simple theological fact: God wants an intimate relationship with us. And as Keith Green would say, “He wants more than Sundays and Wednesday nights.” God wants to be a vital part of our everyday lives. He wants His presence to be “real” in our lives, just as real as the presence of our spouses, children, parents and close friends. The foundational element of the Church should be our relationship with Him; this is exactly why Jesus calls the Church His “Bride.” Our Groom is passionate about His relationship with us. -And He wants us to be passionate about our relationship with Him.

Furthermore in regards to worship, authentic worship is born out of authentic relationship. How could we ever worship a God that we simply did not know? How could we ever fully give ourselves in authentic worship to a God who we refused to trust as our Anchor, -for everything in our lives? Music -and talented worship leaders can certainly facilitate a worship experience, but authentic worship demands the depth of a relationship. Therefore, as our relationship with God matures, how could we ever “not” worship Him? As a believer matures, worship should be an almost automatic response to God working in their lives. Authentic worship is a natural fruit of an authentic relationship with God. I fear we are, at times, attempting to “induce” worship in our church services -rather than facilitating it. My concern is that there is often a stronger connection to the music and those leading it, than there is to God.

In the end, the above Truth must escape our doctrinal statements, church website verbiage & blogs and be driven as an anchor to tether our church culture. Our churches should not be anchored with talented ministers, beautiful buildings, emotional worship experiences, the traditions of man, financial wealth, innovative programs or even well established “correct doctrine.” While all these things are “good,” we begin to worship them (rather than God) when they are used to anchor the Church. When our relationships with God are not anchoring the foundations of our churches, all types of perversions are possible -from extreme legalism, to ultra liberalism and almost any perversion in between; “balance” is lost. Unfortunately, this point can be easily proven by running a Google search on “church scandals.” Please note that these scandals are not limited to any particular denomination or doctrinal group; they are equal opportunity byproducts that appear across all veins of Christianity. Our churches must be anchored by living, breathing, authentic relationships with God through His Son Jesus. –Absolutely nothing else can replace this.

Our Relationships with One Another:

“How much visiting do you have to do?” and “I just want to preach.” -These are two phrases that I have often heard from other pastors over the years. I restate these quotes here because I think they illustrate our problem with relationships between each other in the Church. The Church in our culture has been reduced to sitting in large rooms and auditoriums, participating in corporate worship and listening to teaching/preaching for a few hours per week. I love to preach and I love hearing good preaching and teaching. I love to worship God corporately and I don’t mind listening to talented worshipers, worship God. I am even OK with there being somewhat of an “entertainment value” in a worship service; I do not think God wants church services to be boring. BUT, if we call a group of people seated in a building with worship music and preaching: “having church,” we have got major problems. Please pardon my bluntness, but calling that the Church is like calling a man and a women lying in bed together “a marriage.” While we should like and enjoy what happens in the bedroom, it does not make a healthy marriage by itself; -divorce statistics clearly demonstrate that sex is not enough to make a healthy marriage. I would never settle for a wife that just showed up at my house a few hours per week. Frankly, I am looking for something deeper; I want to share my life with someone. Jesus expects nothing less from His Bride. The Church is the people; the Church is people loving each other and participating in relationship. I am sorry friends, but that does not happen during a Sunday morning worship service in a large room or auditorium in the midst of a crowd.

Christian relationship happens when love, time, grace, truth, sacrifice and people intersect. When “life” rubs up against “life;” in other words, when we get to know each other. -And we make a decision to put up with each other, -even though we “know” each other! Another word could almost be used here, “family.” Seems like we may have heard that word used in the Bible a few times when God’s people are described. No matter how elaborate the building, how good the music or how entertaining the teaching and preaching is, it simply cannot serve as an adequate substitute for relationship. As messy as the process might be, there is no substitute for “life rubbing up against life.” Jesus modeled this principle HImself by sharing His earthly life with His disciples and spending much less time with the crowds. He could have catered to the crowds, but He knew better. Who are we to think that our strategy is better than His? Jesus focused on authentic relationships that had true depth. Therein lays the beauty of the Church; and therein lays Her power –when we learn to love each other as God’s love is revealed to us.

In addition, our pursuits for numerical growth and “success” in our churches often overshadow our pursuit of “relationship” with God and each other. Then when we become successful, we no longer “need” God or each other. Often times, we sacrifice these relationships in the process of becoming “successful.” As a result, at a certain point we belittle God to His place in our doctrinal statement, written core values and Sunday rhetoric and we throw each other away. (Please note my use of the word “we.” I include myself in these allegations.) I have been in the ministry for 17 years and I have personally watched this scenario play out multiple times, in multiple groups and in multiple denominations; it is simply the nature of “the system.” *This would not happen if “relationships” were the core element and deeply driven anchor of the local church. We do not “belittle” or “throw away” those who we dearly love and authentically care about. Do Jesus’ Words in Matthew 22 make better sense now?

And He said, “On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Relationship is not everything; but everything hangs on relationship. Without proper relationships, the Church predestines itself to be much, much less than what God designed Her to be.

We were created by God to know and to be known, -by Him and each other…

The Basic Elements of the Church: A Few Thoughts on Detoxing

Before I start writing on the basics elements of the Church, I felt prompted to add a few comments to my previous two posts.  If you did not read them, the links are below:

Exhausted… -Rediscovering the core elements of the Church

FRUSTRATED!!! -The 10,000 Pound Elephant in the Church

Until four years ago, I had been obese for most of my life.  I actually weigh less now than I did when I was in the sixth grade.  By the time I was a freshman in high school, my doctor informed me that I would probably be dead in my 30’s if I did not make a change.  Telling a 14 year old kid he is headed for sudden death motivates him to action, at least it did for me.  The following summer I lost over 100 pounds by following a low calorie diet and becoming more physically active.  After losing the weight, the physical activity stayed but I went back to my old eating habits.  And honestly, my eating habits had no boundaries.

Until four years ago, I ate whatever I wanted -whenever I wanted it.  I was a product of my culture.  As most families, food was at the center of our family’s culture.  Being heavily involved in the church, food was often involved in the church culture that I was a part of.  And obviously, food -and plenty of it, is at the center of our American culture; this is the reason why obesity related illnesses are the #1 cause of death in our nation.  Until four years ago, obesity was “normal” for me. -And thus in my mind, my obesity was normalized and justified. I weighed in at over 300 pounds.

So the obvious question for you to ask is: “Eric, what caused you to change?”  There are two answers to that question.  The first answer is my children.  I began to see my children eating the same things that I ate and I knew it was not good for them.  I love my children and would do anything for them, including the correction of my own bad habits.  The second answer is education.  I began to educate myself in regards to obesity and healthy eating.  I found out what junk food did to my body and I found out what healthy food did for my body.  I began to find it really hard to shove a dozen donuts down my throat when I realized what effect those donuts would have on me, and on my children who were watching…

I know my past few posts have been really tough on the current state of the Church and have probably offended a few (or more) of my friends who are pastors and church leaders.  Please understand, I love the Church and am called to serve the Church.  Nothing could ever change this, it is the simple reality of who God created me to be.  But after unplugging from vocational ministry for a few years and taking a step back to just “observe,” my perspective has been profoundly changed.  The past few years have been very enlightening for me. I did not set out two years ago to be a “critic” of the established church, just like I did not set out five years ago to become a “health nut.”  However when you become “aware” of the truth and other vital information, what you do with that information demonstrates your character.  What would it say about me as a “responsible father” if I continued shoving unhealthy amounts of soda, donuts and ice cream down my throat and my children’s throat AFTER having the knowledge that I have now? And what would it say about me as a “responsible pastor” if I just returned to vocational ministry and continued as I was two or three years ago? I never wanted to make any enemies and I certainly never wanted to be labeled “a radical.”  My flesh would much prefer to just “fit-in” and go with the flow… But, that simply goes against everything that is in me.  I cannot fathom just “going with the flow” at this point; I love the Church too much to do that.

For the record, I do not consider myself a “health nut” when it comes to my physical lifestyle or a “radical” when it comes to Christianity.  However, I do seek “balance” and a lifestyle that pursues “reconciliation” to the teachings of Jesus.  So… that leaves me with taking the risk of sharing these thoughts on my blog and waiting to see if they gain traction with others.  I have to be honest and share that I can not help but wonder if there is anyone else out there who feels the same as I do.  Feel free to share your comments below.

FRUSTRATED!!! -The 10,000 Pound Elephant in the Church

“Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight, so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My kingdom is not from here.” (John 18:36 NKJV)

So… I was in my mid-twenties and I found myself the “Director of Finance and Support Services” for a regional government agency. I’ll spare you all the boring details regarding how I acquired that position, but let’s just say that people “do” notice when you show up for work -and you work hard. Man, I thought I was somebody. I administered a budget of over 4 million dollars including managing payroll and benefits for almost 100 employees and oversaw the accounting, information technology, maintenance and food service programs while supervising a staff of sixteen. “I” only reported to the executive director; I had especially impressed myself by acquiring this position at the age of 27 with only an associates degree in general studies. I found myself making major decisions that profoundly affected other people.

I can still vividly remember the first time I was involved in making the tough decision to lay an employee off. It was the right decision for the organization, simply “a business decision.” -BUT, it had a profound impact on the person we laid off. I can still remember talking on the phone with her a few weeks after it had happened. She sobbed almost uncontrollably as I re-explained her options regarding health insurance and other benefits. She kept asking me why, “Why did we do this to her?” I stuttered through the conversation and finally got her off the phone. My executive director seem unaffected by the episode, but I could not say the same. I kept telling myself, “it is just a business decision.” “It is just business.” Telling myself that didn’t help much though.

As my secular career has progressed over the past 12 years I have always tried to remind myself during those difficult decisions, “this is just business.” As Christians in a secular workplace, we can do our best to stick to our values and ethics but at the end of the day what is best for “the company” has to drive the company decisions -and what is best for “me,” has to drive my decisions as an employee. -I have to admit that the more I have followed that logic, the more successful I became in the secular world. -Like it or not, that is the way that the world goes round. For those of you who are tempted to be pass judgement on me for making the above comments, please keep in mind that if businesses are not kept in the “black” and if government agencies are not run efficiently, then there are no jobs. -Thus the current condition of our economy.

Furthermore, as I translate these thoughts to words I cannot help but think that I would have become a much more “successful” pastor and church planter if I would have adopted this same logic from my secular career into my career in ministry. To grow a church, you always have to do what is best for the organization. If you need to throw someone away in order to “do what is best,” then the end justifies the means. -The betterment of the church is what is important, right? Upholding and supporting the church leadership is what is important, right?? Ultimately, getting butts in the seats is what’s important, right??? Please note that I am an equal opportunity critic with these comments. I have served and closely observed many different denominations and independent church groups over the past 18 years. And as I think back, I find that this logic is by far the most commonly used in the church. -At least in “successful” churches. Therein lies my frustration; a lot of today’s churches do not look much different from secular organizations. Sure we do a good job of sounding Christ-like, but “our systems” operate almost identically to the systems of the world.

Jesus said, “My Kingdom is not of this world.” Wow… there is a lot that could be said while “unpacking” that truth. Those of us who are students of the Gospels know that the disciples had a very hard time wrapping their heads around that truth -and I think we struggle just the same today. At the end of the day, Jesus was telling us that his Kingdom operates completely different from the world’s kingdoms.

Inserting Jesus’ statement into it’s original context gives us the most extreme example of this. Jesus tells Pilate, “If My Kingdom were of this world, My servants would fight (to defend me,) so that I should not be delivered to the Jews; but now My Kingdom is not from here.” -So rather than Jesus’ servants (who He called “friends” -by the way) fighting and dying to defend Him, He surrenders Himself to certain death on the cross. Let us think about these last events of Christ’s earthly life even further. On the last night with His disciples rather than having them serve Him, “He” opts to wash their feet in a display of ultimate humility: the “Creator” washing the “created’s” feet. Let us ponder even further and consider Peter attacking one of the high priest’s servants sent to arrest Jesus. Jesus rebukes Peter and then heals the servant’s wound. And just for the sake of argument, let us consider Jesus’ fireside breakfast with the disciples on the beach -after His resurrection. Our resurrected Lord cooked the disciples a meal in His glorified body; take a second to wrap your head around that scene. -Our resurrected Savior was still serving. Surely “His” Kingdom is not of this world! How many of our worldly leaders can you imagine doing those things? How many of our church “leaders” have you ever seen doing anything like that? -Hopefully, at least a few, but I seriously doubt there are many. Our culture dictates that we act differently.

Yet, what were Jesus’ parting words to His disciples in Matthew 28:19-20? “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always,even to the end of the age.”

Jesus’ parting marching orders:
1. Go make disciples
2. Teach them what I taught you.

If we wanted to simplify these last commands from Jesus even further, I think it would be accurate to restate them as Jesus saying to the disciples -and to us, “Go do what I did.” -So then the question remains, “Are we doing today, what Jesus modeled for us in the Gospels?” When we look at American Christianity today, do we see a kingdom of this world? Do we see a kingdom that builds venues to compete with the venues of this world? Do we see a kingdom that markets itself just like the kingdoms of this world market themselves? Do we see a kingdom whose organizational structures function in a similar fashion to the kingdoms of this world? Do we see a kingdom with leadership that exhibits behavior from “a different Kingdom,” or does it’s leadership look very similar to the leadership that we find in this world?

If you answered the above questions honestly, perhaps you are feeling a bit of the frustration that I am. God’s Kingdom is not supposed to look like man’s kingdoms, nor does it attempt to compete with them. I have seen an innumerable amount of impressive church buildings. I have participated in worship services with the musical and speaking talent to rival the talents found in the world. I have been a part of religious machines that had millions of dollars flowing through them. I have served under very gifted, talented and charismatic leaders, who could masterfully lead hundreds of people. I have been a part of church politics that was just as complex and every bit as brutal as the political systems of the world. I have seen good people get “thrown away” and deeply wounded by our coveted religious institutions. And I have watched as God’s people, shepherds & sheep, were absolutely ruined by the world’s “matrix” working in Jesus’ bride. So please understand, I have to be candid and ask the obvious question: “Whose kingdom do we look like?” The answer to that question is the 10,000 pound elephant in the Church.

If there is to be any meaningful reform in the Church, we must stop competing with the world and reject the systems, tendencies, unholy methods and core values that are found in our secular culture. We must reject the complex systems of empty religion that have infested our Christian communities. Those of us who are still sober enough to realize our drunkenness must be brave and speak out. We must reject all of the excuses for bringing the world’s systems into the church. We must rediscover the elementary teachings of Jesus found in the Gospels. And we must return to the most basic elements of the Church.

-Next, we will begin discussing those basic elements. Stay tuned…

How Do I Recover From Spiritual Abuse???

Spiritual abuse is happening in churches all around us and it needs to be exposed.  After all, part of the reason it happens is because people do not recognize it or openly talk about it.  –However, for their own good, spiritual abuse victims must “move on.”  Victims must get on with theirs lives.  If they don’t, they have allowed their abusers to take everything from them.  If you are a victim reading this, please do not get upset with me.  I am trying to help you get “your life” back.

When I read about spiritual abuse or correspond with “victims,” I have found that a lot of people seem to be “stuck.”  This really bothers me.  I have decided to write this post in order to share what I have done in the past and what I am doing now to get my own life back. 

First off, please do not think I am telling you to forget your bad experience and move on.  We all wish it were that easy.  I liken spiritual abuse to a very, very bad stomach flu in which the effects last a very, very long time.  It takes you by surprise.  It makes you really sick, very weak and let’s just be honest and say that you are not that fun to be around.  When you first begin to realize that you are sick you ask yourself, “How did this happen to me anyway? How did ‘I’ get infected?”  As the realization of your condition sets in,  your body’s begins to fight the virus.  The best way it knows how to get the foreign pathogen out of your system is to “eject” it by using your body’s natural systems; there are two ways your body does this and neither one is fun.  However, your body must perform these operations in order to rid you of the destructive microorganisms that are causing you to be sick.  Eventually, after much “ejecting” (the length of time depends on how sick you are) you begin to feel “a little” better.  BUT, the recovery process is not over.

You must now begin to put nutrients back into your body.  Have you ever wondered why beverages like Sprite and Gatorade make you feel so much better when you are recovering from a stomach flu?  It is because they are supplying your body with simple sugars that are easily digested and transformed into energy, thus you “feel better.”  As you continue to place nutrients back into your system, you feel better and better.  BUT, the process is still not over.  You must now rid your home of all the items that might have been “infected” with the virus.  You go on a cleaning spree and wash all clothing that could have been exposed to that pesky contagion. At last, you get all the trash out of the house that was associated with your “bad experience.”  THEN… you move on.  You get on with your life.  Who wants to stay sick anyway?  Who wants to keep an intimate relationship with a nasty commode? Who wants to wallow in sell pity and puke?  NO ONE WHO IS HEALTHY, that is for sure!  -So you go back to work, you go back to school, you hang out with friends, you love on your spouse & children and you continue pursuing your passions; you enjoy this amazing gift called life that God created for us!

While crude, the analogy of recovering from the stomach flu is much like recovering from spiritual abuse.  I will list the steps to my recovery below using  the steps of recovery from a bad case of the stomach flu:

#1 You have to admit you are sick.  You must come to the point where you say, “I was abused.” -This step took me years; it was a very complicated process for me.   I had no idea what spiritual abuse was.  My actions were skewed during those years.  After all, I was sick; I needed to stop and admit it so I could begin recovery and get better.  *I remember finally stopping myself and thinking, “Something is wrong with me and I need to address it.”

#2 Allow yourself to throw up.  I HATE throwing up when I am sick.  There have been countless times when I have laid still in the bed, and stayed sick as a dog, because I did not want to throw up.  -But after I allow myself to throw up, I always feel better.  Begin to acknowledge and opening talk about your abuse with those close to you; you need to throw up.  Believe it or not, it is a natural healthy reaction to sickness.  If you have limited access to others to talk, try writing about it.  Writing about my experience was very helpful for me.

#3 Find a friend or counselor to “hold the bucket” while you vomit.  It is very important that you do this.  *DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DEAL WITH THIS ALONE! You need a support network.  Ask God to show you how to find your support.  I know this is tough for spiritual abuse victims.  If you are unable to locate anyone local to you, at least visit some of the online sources and make connections.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who share your experience; find some who are further along in recovery than you are.  For me, my wife was my primary bucket holder; we held each other’s buckets.  In addition, I sought counseling from a professional christian counselor and a few older pastor friends.  God used each one of those people to advance me through my recovery process.  I do not think I could have made it alone.

#4 Allow yourself to get angry and “grieve” your situation.  It’s OK to get really pissed off!!! You were hurt; you were abused.  Allow yourself to remember and “process” what happened to you.  Stop making excuses for your abuser.  You may find yourself bitter.  Remind yourself that bitterness is a sin and ask God to help you work through it. YOU WILL NOT WORK THROUGH THE BITTERNESS OVERNIGHT; it is “a process.” Do not put pressure on yourself.  The Holy Spirit will let you know when it is time to be done with your bitterness once and for all.  Keep asking Him for guidance and help and He will lead you.

#5 Get extremely honest and blunt with God.  If you are hurting, tell Him.  If you are angry, tell Him.  If you are bitter, tell Him.  If you have questions, ask Him.  God is the God of the Universe; He is completely capable of handling anything we can say or ask.  He loves us and wants us to recover; he also knows we are hurting.  Rest in the grace and goodness of God and ask Him to help you, but be honest with Him and tell Him how you are feeling.   I believe my blunt honesty with God was a key aspect of my recovery process.  I was mad, and hurt, and confused, and angry -and I let Him know it.  My being honest with Him did not take Him by surprise, but boy it sure helped me.

#6 Allow yourself to take a break and get some rest; do not try to be superman. Just chill out with your family and other people who love you.  If you are a leader, DON’T BE.  Take a break and get some rest.  Give yourself time to recuperate.  Discuss with your counselor or close friends what your recover process might look like.  I was pastoring a church plant during this season and stepped down.  I can not stress how important it was for me to take a step back from ministry. When you get really sick,  your body needs time and rest to recover.  Recovering from spiritual abuse is no different.

#7 Allow yourself to throw up some more; make sure all the “crap” is out of your system.  You may need that friend or counselor to “hold the bucket” again.  As you detox from the spiritually abusive atmosphere, you will begin to remember more and more.  You will also begin to “connect the dots” as you think back on certain experiences.  The more you detox, the more you understand what happened to you.  As you undergo this process, you WILL need to throw up again.  It is OK, let your recovery run it’s course.  GET THE “CRAP” OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM; do not wallow in it. –You do not want to keep and intimate relationship with the toilet forever!

#8 Get some “nutrients” back into your system.  Take it slow, but be deliberate in getting those nutrients -so you can get your strength back.  Begin to re-enter “safe” spiritual atmospheres.  Ask God, your friends and counselors to help you find them.  Begin reading your Bible again; not to find scripture in order to prove your abuser was wrong, but for your recovery.  I personally recommend the Gospel of John and the book of James.  I also recommend a very readable translation like the NIV or NLT.  Remember, you are not doing any intense Bible study. You are simply reading God’s Word and allowing “Him” to speak to you. His Word will bring healing to you.

#9 Rid your house of anything that could still “carry” the virus.  Divorce yourself from all spiritually abusive atmospheres. ***DO NOT RETURN TO THE ABUSIVE CHURCH!!!***  There will be times where you will want to; resist that inclination.  Stop listening to anyone affiliated with the abusive ministry.  Limit contact with those who are “still drinking the Kool-aide.”  You are not strong enough to rescue anyone right now; you need to be protecting yourself from re-infection.  *Many people recovering from an abusive church actually return to the same abusive church or find another one.  When they do, their likelihood of getting out becomes even lower. I have seen this with my own eyes.  BE CAREFUL!!!

#10 Consider forgiveness. Yes, it is that time.  You will never be able to totally recover or “move on” without forgiving those who hurt you.  I know, I know, this is a tough one…  –BUT IT IS ESSENTIAL.  No one can make you forgive, not even God Himself.  Your recovery must progress to the place where “you” want to forgive.  This is a big step, but it is also a very liberating step.  Continue to seek God and let it come naturally as He works in your heart.  *There is so much more I could say here.  If you would like further teaching and explanation in this area, please visit this link:  Forgiveness Teaching

#11 Eat some solid food and continue to build your strength back.  Well… you have finished puking, been drinking clear liquids for a day or so and you finally got the house cleaned up.  You are “feeling better” and beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.  Continue to build your strength back.  Examine your relationship with God.  Make sure your life revolves around “Him” and not the “institution” of a local church.  Never let anything be a substitute for your relationship with God.  Study the Bible for your self.  Have your own prayer life. Know what “you” believe, not just what some pastor or church tells you to believe.  Work towards becoming a “mature” christian.  -Then look for a healthy church, if you have not found one yet.  You need to be around healthy people.  You need to be in a healthy atmosphere. You need to be planted in a medium where you can grow and get strong.  Ask God to show you how to do this, and he will!

#12 Refuse to take on the “victim” mindset.  Refuse to surrender your life!  You “were” a victim; do not “remain” a victim!!!  There will be a temptation to “be a victim.”  RESIST!!!!!!!!!  God has sustained you.  He is healing you. He is bringing you to a place of recovery.  DON”T YOU DARE GIVE IN TO THE VICTIM MINDSET!  God has a purpose for you -and it is not to be a victim. Acknowledge your past, but also acknowledge that with God’s help and the help of others you are overcoming your past.  You do not have to be a victim of spiritual abuse for the rest of your life, but “you” have to make the choice not to be.

#13 Engage in life. What are ” your” passions? What are “your” God-given dreams?  What do “you” want to do with this precious gift called “life” that God has given to you? Wrestle with those questions and figure them out.  If you were in the abusive atmosphere for long, you might have never asked these questions before.  Don’t rush wrestling with these questions; it might take some time.  However, when you figure the answers out, PURSUE THEM!

#14 Allow God to use you to help others.  Help others heal and get on with their lives.  The truth is, if you have made a full or nearly full recovery from serious spiritual abuse, you are in the perfect place to help others who have been abused.  You have experienced something that cannot be described with words. – And you just don’t know what is feels like to be there, -unless you have been there.  I feel those of us who have recovered from spiritual abuse have a responsibility to help others.  You don’t need to be a pastor or counselor; all you have to do is “hold a bucket,” be a friend, remind a precious soul that God is still there or just sit and just be an expression of God’s love to someone who is hurting.  After all, isn’t that what the Church is supposed to be about anyway?